101-"The Crawling Eye" (1958)-B&W-Name the only actor to have appeared in a Best
Picture nominee AND a MiSTed film in the same year.  Give up?  It was Forrest
Tucker (who would later gain fame in "F-Troop"), who co-starred with Rosiland
Russell and Peggy Cass in "Auntie Mame", then appeared as the lead in this film,
adapted from a British TV series, about giant paper mache eyeballs who terrorize
people on an Austrian mountian top.  Energized by a strange fog, these orbs,
complete with sets of ultra-cheap tentacles, behead their victims, though no one
in the film, or audience, has any idea why.  Tucker, aided by Laurence Payne as
nosy reporter, and two sisters, Janet Munro and Jennifer Jayne (who slips in and
out of unintentionally hilarious trances), finally dispatches the eye creatures
with the help of a few U.N. fire bombs.  And, just like "Teenage Crimewave"
would end five years later, this film also concludes in an observatory.
Many more opportunities are missed durring the riffing of this film, but it is a
vast improvement over the ad-libbed KTMA days.  Still a boring film and sub-par
jokes makes the overall episode rate only a "D".

102-"The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy" (Mexican-1959)-B&W-The worst thing to come
of Mexico since the advent of illegal immigration.  Horribly lame sequel to "The
Aztec Mummy" stars no one and accomplishes nothing.  Ramon Gay battles "The Bat"
and his incredibly stupid henchman over a breastplate from a long-dead (and not
all too attractive) Aztec prince, killed because he dared do something wrong to
somebody centuries before.  "The Bat" (Crox Alvarado) concocts a robot made out
of cardboard with a human head and light bulb eyes.  Despite dry-roasting a Juan
Valdez-looking character, the robot is no match for the mummy, and is torn apart
like a cheap cardboard box made to look like a robot.  That done, the molding
prince, dressed like a sterno bum, then offs "The Bat" and his lieutenant.  A
truly bad entry in the annals of cinematic history, but silly enough to be
rather enjoyable.  Much more so than the ridiculous short which procedes it.
The "Radar Men From The Moon" chaper plays from 1952.  So cheap, the desert is
used to simulate the srface of the moon-in broad DAYLIGHT.  If you're like me,
you'll root against Commando Cody and for his ultimate death with every
installment.  MST3K eventually ran nine out the twelve chapters, each one worse
than the other.  #102 gets a "C".  Others in this genre include, "Wrestling
Women vs. The Aztec Ape" and "Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy".  Two
classics if there ever were any.

103-"The Mad Monster" (1942)-B&W-Inspired by the 1941 Lon Chaney, Claude Rains
classic, "The Wolf Man", this fifth-rate copy features mad, scenery-chewing
scientist, George Zucco, exacting revenge on disbelieving collegues by means of
injecting his huge, lopping gardener, Pedro, with wolf serum.  Pedro turns into
Doctor Zaius of "The Planet of the Apes" and brutalizes a few people (including
a little girl), all the while maintaining high style with his emaculate molehair
sport coat buttoned, of course.  Another unlikable, nosy reporter ends up with
the girl while the good doctor and his creation roast like peanuts after a bolt
of lightning strikes a chemistry set.  Glenn strange, whose portrayal of Pedro
is like watching Christopher Lambert in ANY role, later appeared as the monster
in "Abbott And Costello meet Frankenstein.  A role he could finally sink his
thespianic teeth into.  The second chapter of "Radar Men From The Moon" appears
before this feature, which I give a "D"-for "dull", to.

104-"Women Of The Prehistoric Planet" (1966)-Color-Wendell Corey (fresh from his
role on TV's "The 11th Hour") mumbles his way through this monstrosity which
preports to inform us that the Earth was populated by Linda (Irene Tsu) and Tang
(Robert Ito, later of "Quincy").  If that's so, then what about the scraggly
group of Sonny Bono impersonators who attacked the duo only moments before.
Each actor attempts to out-humiliate themselves here, from Corey, who is almost
completely unintelligible (a far cry from his role in "Rear Window"), to Staurt
Margolin, who, as an engineer, split the "comedy" chores with Adam Roarke (the
poor man's Richard Speck), to an unknown, but still talentless Lyle Waggoner
(who would turn up next in "Catalina Caper").  Margolin himself escapes much
criticism, due to his exit from the film via a fuzzy bedroom slipper ("It was
shock that killed him more than anything else"), while Tang's showing off of his
frozen parents to Linda remains a highlight.  Riffing continuing to improve, but
the Isaac Asimov Doomsday Satellite was sort of goofy, in a non-funny way.  "D"
episode, at best.

105-"The Corpse Vanishes" (1942)-B&W-Bela Lugosi rises above his recent film
mediocracy to give a convincing performance of an orchid growing mad scientist
who, in order to keep his old battle axe of a wife happy (and young-looking), he
must inject her with the vital juices of young brides on their wedding day.  Why
it HAS to be on their wedding day is never really explained.  Lugosi is aided in
this work by an old Cloris Leachman-type bag, a hunchbacked idiot and a dwarf.
All are summarily dispatched at a mock wedding ceremony, as Bela's female
reporter hostage (Luana Walters) and her doctor friend (Vince Barnett) use the
event to really get hitched.  Servo's head (and many others, most likely)
exploded trying to find something good about this picture.  A "C".

106-"The Crawling Hand" (1963)-B&W-Before he took a two-year sabbatical to play
Jonas Grumby on "Gilligan's Island", Alan Hale, Jr. led a cast of non-entities,
including Peter Breck (the NASA agent, soon to join the cast of "The Big
Valley"), Richard Arlen, Kent Taylor and Rod Lauren, as the teen, who, upon
finding a severed arm on the beach, hides it in his landlady's pantry.  Needless
to say, the member comes alive and kills her, then, somehow, it turns Lauren
into a raving lunatic, forcing him to grow dark circles under his eyes and beat
up hapless soda jerks.  Hale is the mistrusting sheriff who finally confronts
Lauren in an alley, saving him from the curse as cats devour the suddenly
helpless arm.  Stinks like the restroom at Shea Stadium in July.  Only redeeming
quality about film is that we get to her "Papa Oo Mow Mow", the classic side by
The Rivingtons, which was later used as the inspiration for the Trashman's
great, "Surfin' Bird".  The Crawling Hand/William Shatner Sketch highlights an
otherwise boring "C+" episode.

107-"Robot Monster" (1953)-B&W-Film has reputation for being one of the worst
ever made, but later movies on MST3K have lifted this to exalted status.  Phil
Tucker directed, on a shoestring budget this tale of a solitary fat clown in an
old gorilla suit and diving helmet (George Barrow), who, while hiding out in a
bubble-filled cave, has witnessed the destruction of the world, thanks to his
calvinator death ray.  He communicates with The Great One (Barrow, in a dual
role effort not seen since "The Patty Duke Show") who informs him that six more
earthlings still exist.  With the help of a cheap TV, Ro-Man, as he is called,
locates the group, which consists of George Nader (so great in "The Million Eyes
Of Su-Muru"), Claudia Barrett, his main squeeze, Gregory Moffett, the
psuedo-German scientist, and his wife, Selena Royale ("Mrs. Parkington" and "The
Harvey Girls"), and two viciously-annoying little kids.  Ro-Man kills one of the
kids and Nader, and tries to get fresh with Barrett before The Great One loses
patience and destroys him with massive doses of stock footage from "One Million,
B.C.".  In the end, we are told it was all a dream.  A typical cop-out ending,
as if, by this time, anyone really cared what happened in this movie, one way or
another. Later Tucker, despondent over this film and his parents efforts to
control his finances, attempted to commit suicide.  That also failed.  He did,
however, come back to direct Lenny Bruce in "Dance Hall Racket", before moving
on to other things in the film world.  MiSTing is great here, though, and this
is one of my favorite shows from the first season.  A nice "A-" effort.

108-"The Slime People" (1963)-B&W&Foggy-There is really no rhyme of reason for
this picture.  None that I can think of, anyway.  More nuclear testing releases
creatures from underneath Los Angeles, who, surrounded by a protective fog, lay
waste to much of the city's population (if it were only possible), with spears.
A pilot (Robert Hutton, who also directed-he's no Orson Wells, he's not even an
Orson Bean), a Marine deserter (William Boyce) and a scientist (Robert
Burton-who, conveniently, has two comely daughters) succeed in sprinkling the
critters with table salt, which cause them to tumble over like the cheap blocks
of styro-foam that they are.  Good riffing of a boring film.  "C+

109-"Project Moonbase" (1953)-B&W-Dr. Bellows on "I Dream Of Jeanie" (Hayden
Rourke) plays a general in this story of a futuristic space voyage (1970, to be
exact) that goes off kilter, thanks to a saboteur and a woman commander (Donna
Martell).  Actually, though not a P.C. person, myself, even I was disgusted at
how many times Rourke addressed Martell's character condescendingly, even
threatening to "take her over my knee and give her a good spanking".  Was that
EVER proper military bearing?!  Film also shows how absurd predicting the future
was in the 1950's, when a radio is heard to proclaim, "The Brooklyn Dodgers have
just won the pennant!"  Thank goodness Crow retorts, "Yeah, this is the future
when the Dodgers' moved BACK to Brooklyn."  Our macho hero, who is serving under
Martell is promoted to General by a female President (what a twist) and the two
are forced to get married by NASA.  Inept beyond description.  A "D", at best.

110-"Robot Holocaust" (1987)-Color-The newest film to be lampooned since the
KTMA days, this picture proves it doesn't have to come from the fifties to suck.
Tim Kinkaid wrote and directed this post-apocolyptic yarn about an unlikable
group of Culture Club and Mad Max rejects who must fight a robotic intelligence
and its minions in the near-future.  Norris Culf, who has a degree in not being
able to act, leads the motley crew and finally overcomes tremendous odds and
view apathy.  Along the way, his girlfriend's (Nadine Hart) father (Joel von
Ornsteiner is changed into a giant avocado, while the most irritating android
since Data, waxes philosophic.  In the end, the evil artificial overlords are
destroyed, thanks, in part to Angelika Jager, whose Tina Turner-like hair and
Cyndi Lauper clothing, barely mask a pool of inadequecy evident every time she
speaks in her bizarre Eastern European/Turkish/Arabic brogue.  Episode is not
memorable and the movie is a chore to watch.  An "F".

111-"Moon Zero Two" (1969)-Billed as the first "outer space western", this is
one dull, lunar ride.  Starts off with an interesting cartoon and a rather
catchy title song (sung by   ), but then drifts aimlessly like a lost satellite.
James Olson is one of the least interesting leading men in screen history, and
his portrayal of a Buck Rogers-type astronaut is sadly out-of-place.  He and
Russian (or is it German?) co-pilot (Ori Levy) are propositioned by ruthless
business tycoon, Mr. Hubbard (Warren Mitchell), to assist him in bringing down
an astroid made from priceless minerals.  Meanwhile, Olson's love interest,
"Clem" (of all names), played (horribly, I might add) by Catherina Von Schell),
persuades him to travel to the far side of the Moon to visit her brother, who
owns a piece of land which he is mining.  Boring sequence of luner buggy ride
ends with discovery of dead brother and battle with bad guys.  Of course,
Hubbard had the brother killed, so Olson, Levy and Schell plan their revenge,
which comes off without a hitch.  Movie is also supposed to be humorous, but
"Psycho" contains more laughs, and biting contemporary it's not. The special
effects, however, are decent.  So-so riffing and teleportation invention is kind
of lame, but the tribute to the Moon landing and games of the future are clever.
A "C".

112-"Untamed Youth" (1957)-Mamie Van Doren won Worst Actress honors (she would
win Best Actress for "Girls Town" see #601) for her portrayal of Penny, a
bleach-blonde bimbette who is also an aspiring "singer", sent (with her sister,
Janey-Lori Nelson) to a cotton farm to work off a vagrancy charge in this
teenploitation "musical".  The farm, run by crooked Tropp (jut-jawed John
Russell) and his stupid judge wife (Lurene Tuttle) hires her son, Bob (Don
Burnett) as the new foreman, and he finds out about the corruption.  Several
catfights and, of course, too many musical numbers.  Van Doren, who could sing
about as well as she could act, belts out "Salamander", "Oobala Baby" and "Go,
Go Calypso", while early rocker, Eddie Cochran (best known for "Summertime
Blues") does a poor Elvis with "Cottonpicker".  Judge, through son, finally puts
a stop to her husbands shenanigans and has him carted off to jail, while Bob and
Janey tie the knot and Penny makes it "big" on TV.  The best MiSTed show of
Season One, and the skits (A Tribute To Greg Brady, Gypsy Makes Cotton and The
Goofy Guy) make this one an unqualified "A".

113-"The Black Scorpion" (1957)-So named because of an over-sized arachnid, who
eats all of the other over-size arachnids, made that way because of radiation,
or a volcano, or something like that.  Film is actually fairly enjoyable, and
the acting isn't half bad.  Also good special effects work by stop-motion
pioneer, Willis O'Brien ("King Kong").  Stars Richard Denny and Carlos Rivas are
scientists who, while exploring a volcano, come face-to-slobbering face with the
mutant scorpion.  Denny's love interest, Theresa (Mara Corday, and her adopted
moppet, Juanito (Mario Navarro) team up to help them fight the menace, which is
finally dispatched in a large stadium with the help of some massive battery
cables.  Nice riffing, but uneventful skits, except for the letter heaping
"constructive" criticism on Crow, make this one a B episode.
 

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