"Uh, better not go in there for a while..." -Tom Servo (as Prof. Stanhope). #416(FMoOS) et al.

"Uh, camera three get off the track... Camera three -- OH DEAR GOD!!!" -Crow. #509(tGiLL)

"Uh, can we get back to our bleak, meaningless lives please?" -Tom Servo (as Kreuger). #603(tDTB)

"Uh, could we get a table closer to the plot?" -Joel (as Dr. Blair). #416(FMoOS)

"Uh, honey, I think we're growing apart, we don't have the same interests anymore. You want to conquer the world, I want to put a shop in the basement." -Joel (as Peter Graves). #311(ICtW)

"Uh, I'd wash that hand if I were you -- that's my throwing hand." -Joel (as His Excellency). #306(TotA)

"Uh, is that poison gas part of the presentation?" -Crow. #608(CN:DH)

"Uh, Joel, if you don't mind, I'm *cooking* here, I'm beginning to smell *delicious*..." -Tom Servo. #416(FMoOS)

"Uh, Joel, I think the butter's slipped off your stack of waffles, buddy." -Crow. #317(VWatSS)

"Uh, Mister B, what would *you* know about dignity?" -Joel. #319(WotCB)

"Uh oh...flyspecks...they've been aiming." -Mike. #813(JF)

"Uh oh -- Glen passed a truck on the highway. I mean, he *passed a truck* on the highway!" -Tom Servo (as Sgt. Mario). #319(WotCB)

"Uh oh -- I broke him..." -Crow. #505(tMVoS)

"Uh oh -- I just passed wind in my suit. I ask you, as a point of honor, give me a second." -Tom Servo (as Okasa). #322(MN1)

"Uh oh, looks like the Splunky's about to his the fan..." -Tom Servo. #201(RXM)

"Uh oh -- Roger Corman. This is gonna go down hard, guys." -**. #503(SD)

"Uh oh -- Romulans." -Mike. #601(GT)

"Uh oh! She's getting squishy!..." -Tom Servo. #610(tVY)

"Uh oh... <sniff sniff>... Smells like a montage." -Tom Servo. #415(The Beatniks)

"Uh, that's 'Cooch', sir..." -Tom Servo (as G/Cooch).#202(Sidehackers)

"Uh, that's 'Gooch', sir..." -Tom Servo (as G/Cooch).#202(Sidehackers)

"Uh, the Dead, could you turn your radio down please?" -Tom Servo (as Krasker). #603(tDTB)

"Uh, the press is a bunch of wussies. Are you alone in there?" -Joel (as Hugh O'Brien). #201(RXM)

"Uh, why are you rotating the biscuit-holder?" -Crow. #312(GvG)

"Um...that's poison ok on your naughty bits..." -Crow. #822(OatMB)

"Underoos are fun to wear..." -**. #110(RH)

"Upon further review, the refs find that Cody is dead. The play stands -- Cody is dead." -Tom Servo. #107(RM)

"Uranus was a good cop!!" -**. #412(HatCW)

"Use plenty of lip and tongue action!" -Prof. E.C. Buehler. #313(EvtS)

"Use *your own* magic bird!" -Tom Servo (as Sinbad). #505(tMVoS)


"Vandals came in and put skin on him!" -Joel (as doctor). #309(tACM)

"Vertigo to hell!" -Mike. #822(OatMB)


"Wait for it... Wait for it!..." -Dr. Forrester. #301(CD)

"Wait... he's alive, but his head's gone..." -Crow (as Glen). #309(tACM)

"Wait there! We're coming to attack you!" -Crow (as Atlantean Soldier). #406(AotGL)

"Wait -- this is *ancient* Greece. They didn't have ruins yet!" -Crow. #502(Hercules)

"Wait, this isn't a stick shift -- AAHHHGHGH!" -Mike (as Audrey Ames). #517(tBotE)

"Walk invisibly and carry a big stick." -**. #205(RAUSA)

"Walk quietly among other men, but know their power for they are your enemies. Quietly crush them as you work diligently through the night. Pay attention to the man behind the curtain, for he is your ally. Drink deeply and lustfully from the foamy draught of evil...Uh, do it to the other guy before he does it to you, and be bad to the bone. Won't you? Thank you." -Dr. Forrester. #308(GvG)

"Wall-mounted keyboards...It must be *THE FUTURE*!!!" -Crow. #820(SM)

"Was it disgusting for you, too?" -Crow (as Ingrid). #323(CoFM)

"Wasn't there something in the rule book about 'equal and opposite reactions', Joel?" -Tom Servo. #107(RM)

"Watch out for snakes!" -Disembodied Voice. #506(Eegah!)

"Water -- the source of all life..." -Tom Servo. #302(Gamera) et al.

"We are not *murderers*!" "Sir? Uh, actually, we are." -Crassus/Mike (as some guy in a hardhat). #516(AfLA)

"We come bearing honey-baked hams!" -Crow (as a Swede). #422(tDtEF)

"We... could hurt them badly...? Maybe kill 'em?" -Tom Servo (as CIA Chief). #K20(H18)

"We didn't get shot, but we're gonna die anyway." -Crow (as Neptune Men). #819(IotNM)

"We'd like to welcome you to _Collateral_Damage_Playhouse_..." -**. #314(MJ)

"We don't want you to pray *for* us, we want you to pray *to* us!" -Dr. Forrester. #204(CC)

"We had to scrub the launch." "Hey! Hey! There are ladies present!" -Gregory Peck/Tom Servo. #401(ST)

"We have bowling and miniature golf... We get drunk and make fun of you guys 'cause you're so stupid..." -Crow (as the guy from across the Wastelands). #315(TC)

"We hope you've enjoyeed _No Moral Theater_." -Crow. #812(TISC...)

"We just came to beat everybody up, we're leaving now! Thanks!" -Crow (as the Old Spice guy). #508(OD007)

"We just took your libido and starched and pressed it." -Crow (as the Narrator). #510(L:tPH)

"Welcome to *my* Flagstaff, ifyaknowwhatImean." -Tom (as Paul). #904(AW)

"We like it here! Now we're even closer to the atomic pile! And someday..." -Dr. Forrester. #201(RXM)

"Well, at least it's better than the Soldier Field bathrooms." -Mike. #705(E2000)

"...Well, at least there are some cocktails in this dimension..." -Tom Servo. #513(tBtWD)

"Well, Cal, you've been really worthless -- a coward and a tower of jello. Thanks for your help!" -Tom Servo (as Prof. Galbraith). #108(SP)

"Well, got a squirrel in the oven if you're hungry!" -Crow (as Sam). #904(AW)

"Well, her corns are gone..." -**. #110(RH)

"Well, I'd better be going. It's been sleazy and all, but, uh..." -Crow (as Dr. Courtner). #513(tBtWD)

"Well, I'm gonna go over to the morgue and cheer up." -Crow (as Ken). #415(The Beatniks)

"Well, I think the point they've established so far is that they're going into space. I think that's probably established. Maybe we'll need another TEN MINUTES or so to make it clear!!" -Tom Servo. #401(ST)

"Well, it looks like the fish got a new Pope." -Tom Servo. #605(CatH)

"Well, it's certainly a B film." "More like a T-and-A film." -Crow/Tom Servo. #K19(tMEoS)

"Well, it's not a plot point... and it's not an action sequence... so what *is* it??" -Mike. #605(CatH)

"Well, Kevin here is Irish, but I'm Danish..." -Officer Nelson. #409(IM)

"Well, let's see... fourteen minutes to live. Wonder if I can get a pizza in that time?" -Crow (as Renee). #603(tDTB)

"Well, movie...I sure hope you can justify all this personnel." -Mike. #902(PP)

"Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before..." -Joel. #321(SCCtM)

"Well, okay, but don't duplicate my butt." -Joel (as George Nader). #420(HD)

"Well, okay, yonder lies *the matte painting of* the castle of my father." -Tom Servo (as Zarko). #317(VWatSS)

"Well, she was gonna smell like a beer sooner or later." -**. #512(Mitchell)

"Well... Should we go after the head or the body?" -**. #K20(H18)

"Well, that's it. We're licked." -Crow (as K.Z.K.). #304(GvB)

"Well, the good news is that we won't make a big explosion when we hit the earth..." -Tom Servo (as Lisa). #201(RXM)

"Well, there's blankets and canned goods in the broom closet. We'll make out." "Oh, wowwww..." -Scientist/Joel. #311(ICtW)

"Well, there's no emotional attachment to me. I can die." -Crow (as the Janitor). #405(BfAP)

"Well, they cast me...I guess they expect me to do something." -Crow (as Paul). #904(AW)

"Well *this* is good old-fashioned nightmare fuel." -Crow. #521(SC)

"Well. This isn't good, not at all. I mean, I've seen good before, and it didn't look anything like this." -Joel. #113(BS)

"Well, Todd thinks it's okay..." -Tom Servo. #517(tBotE)

"Well, we don't have very much money for the other ship; let's use a -- PEPSI BOTTLE!" -Tom Servo. #K09(CP)

"Well, you know, recently I've become a vegetarian, and it's worked out great, really. You know, the other day my colon looked up at me and said, 'Frank, thank you.' And I said, 'No -- thank *you*!'" -TV's Frank. #317(VWatSS)

"Well, you're rich and white, I don't see a problem..." -** (as a Cop). #512(Mitchell)

"We need them --" "--like a fish needs a bicycle." -Brasiere/Tom Servo. #317(VWatSS)

"We now switch live to *Leer-Cam*."-Crow. #818(DD)

"Mike: We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese! / Tom Servo: Fridge Largemeat! / Mike: Punt Speedchunk! / Crow: Butch Deadlift! / Mike: Flint Ironstag! / Crow: Bolt Vanderhuge! / Servo: Trunk Slamchest! / Crow: Fist Rockbone! / Mike: Stump Beefnoss! / Servo: Smash Lampjaw! / Crow: Punch Rockgroin! / Mike: Buck Plankchest! / Crow: Stump Chunkman! / Servo: Dirk Hardpeck! / Mike: Rip Steakface! / Crow: Slate Slabrock! / Servo: Crud Bonemeal! / Mike: Brick Hardmeat! / Crow: Rip Slagcheek! / Servo: Punch Sideiron! / Mike: Gristle McThornbody! / Crow: Slake Fistcrunch! / Mike: Buff Hardback! / Servo: Bob Johnson! Oh, wait...Lump Beefbroth! / Crow: Touch Rustrod! / Mike: Reef Blastbody! Big McLargehuge! Smoke Manmuscle! Roll Fizzlebeef!" ALL- #820(SM)

"We're basically evil, granted..." -TV's Frank. #403(CL)

"We're born, and then we die, and there's lots of padding in between." -Joel. #209(HC)

"We're getting a lot of mileage out of that lemur bit!" -Crow. #210(KD)

"We're getting into a whole wierd area here..." -Tom Servo. #322(MN1) et al.

"We're gonna get burned, Joel. We're gonna get roasted like nuts!" -Tom Servo. #421(MaGG)

"We're just not right for each other -- I mean, *I'm* right, but *you're* not." -Crow (as Robbie). #516(AfLA)

"We're now entering a genital-free zone." -Crow. #809(IWaTW)

"We rented three vintage cars, and dammit, we're gonna use 'em!" -Mike (as film crew). #821(TC)

"We're starting to do _Cosby_ on _Mystery_Science_..." -Tom Servo. #K09(CP)

"We're up a specific creek..." -Tom Servo (as **). #K20(H18)

"*We're* your 'Friends and Family' now!" -Tom Servo (as Sakai). #608(CN:DH)

"We suggest you start breathing in shifts." -Crow (as Gregory Peck). #401(ST)

"We used to come here and club seals together." -Crow (as Rommel). #202(Sidehackers)

"We've been dealing with genetic mutations since you were in short- pants!" -Dr. Forrester. #108(SP)

"We've broken through the space-time continuum and passed the savings on to *you*!" -TV's Frank. #519(Outlaw)

"We've got to get organized! We should not be losing to *grasshoppers*, people!" -Mike (as a Soldier). #517(tBotE)

"We've got to think about your wound." "I can't think about anything else!" -Hercules/Tom Servo (as Derrix). #410(HatMM)

"We've landed. You'll just have to take my word for it." -Lomas/Tom Servo (as Lomas). #321(SCCtM)

"We've whipped the problem of skin friction on the warhead..." "Uh, are we talking about the same thing here, buddy?" -**. #205(RAUSA)

"We want to challenge your robots to a game of hockey." -**. #205(RAUSA)

"We were just saying goodbye...""...with our reproductive organs." -Adam Chance/Crow. #815(AFH)

"What about gel?... Can we take gel?..." -Joel (as Edek). #K10(HW)

"What about the plot, Joel? Am I the only one who cares?" -Tom Servo. #206(RoT)

"What a day. I invented Gainesburgers and I didn't even mean to!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Brent). #421(MaGG)

"What a desolate, forsaken place!" "What a stilted, pretentious line!" -Nora/ Crow. #210(KD)

"What, are you kidding?? We're on a spaceship! This place is *crawling* with toothpicks!" -Joel. #512(Mitchell)

"What are you wearing?... I'm putting my knee up right now... oh-h-h-h..." -Crow (as Chase). #402(tGGM)

"What a surprise. He lives in a shabbily furnished room." -**. #418(AottEC)

"What color is the sky in your world, Joel?" -Crow. #K09(CP)

"What did you do today? Well, we watched a stupid movie..." -Crow. #107(RM)

"What does it mean I am 'stacked'?" "Uh, 'stacked' means you're really smart." -Marta/Crow (as Paul). #106(tCH)

"What, do you think soup is a biped?" -Crow. #313(EvtS)

"What do you want from us?? We're *evil*! EVIL!!" -Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank. #301(CD)

"Whatever can I do to make it up to you?" "Uh... paint my house?" -Maya/Crow (as Neil Connery). #508(OD007)

"Whatever happened to empiricism?" -TV's Frank. #415(Beatniks)

"Whatever you do, don't hit the inflatable reindeer! Please!" -Tom Servo. #304(GvB)

"What fresh hell is this?" -Crow. #505(tMVoS)

"What he lacks in expression, he makes up for in hat-tips." -Crow. #417(CotM)

"What I'm gonna do, see, is kill *you*, and strap you around *my* body for armor..." -Tom Servo (as Big Stupid). #509(tGiLL)

"What is this -- 'Pantsless Motorcycle Repair'?" -Tom Servo. #403(CL)

"What is this -- 'Planet of the Fops'?" -Crow. #306(TotA)

"What kind of universe is this where they alter your clothes while you sleep??" -Joel. #107(RM)

"What, no headbutt this morning? Honeymoon over?" -Crow (as Keemar). #321(SCCtM)

"What's in it for us? --and by 'us' I mean 'me'." -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)

"What sins could a duck commit in a single lifetime?" -Crow (as a Giant Duck). #523(VotG)

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!?!" -Crow. #318(SF:FA2)

"What the hell does that mean. Over." -Mike (as CIA telephone operator). #608(CN:DH)

"What the hell is a 'chonga'?" -Crow. #319(WotCB)

"What? What was that? Was that a plot point?" -Crow. #416(FMoOS)

"What wire would Camus cut?..." -Joel. #104(WotPP)

"Whenever they test nuclear bombs, it's the monsters who suffer." -**. #212(GvM)

"When she thinks of the mass media, she touches herself!" -Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)

"When the weather gets bad, / some people go mad. / So let's have fun / right here in the sun. Let's go!" -Japanese C&W Singer. #K22(LotD)

"When we return to our planet, the high court may well sentence you to TOR-CHAR!!" -Teener Captain. #404(TfOS)

"When you get close to an accent, let us know." -Crow. #518(tAB)

"When you want the flavor of bacon in a dip." -Crow. #903 (PM)

"Where's your spirit of adventure?" "Uh, that's in my other pants." -"Chief"/ Tom Servo (as Engineer Bradley). #104(WotPP)

"Which one's Manuel?" -Tom Servo. #311(ICtW)

"White goddess having trouble?" "White fascist getting smart?" -Bob/** (as White Goddess). #203(JG)

"Whoah... Better bring a calculator!" -Crow. #110(RH)

"Whoah... Did I toss a throne last night?" -Crow (as Hercules). #412(HatCW)

"Whoah! Honey, speak English!" -Tom Servo. #402(tGGM)

"Whoah! That's a lot of slang for one sentence." -Tom Servo. #207(WR)

"Who are you people and where's my soup?" -Tom Servo (as general). #804(tDM)


"WHO IS MERRITT STONE?!?!..." -TV's Frank. #419(tRS)

"Who says a coma can't be delicious?" -TV's Frank. #322(MN1)

"Who's bad?" "Tom Servo!" "*Who's bad*?" "Tom Servo!!" -Tom Servo/All. #102(tRvtAM)

"Who's that guy with the big head, big head..." -Tom Servo. #318(SF:FA2)

"Who the hell are you to decide who lives and who dies?! Did you know that the nation's brunch industry employs over 5000 people -- most of them named Chad?" -Crow. #317(VWatSS)

"Why'd a goofy old apocalypse hafta happen right when my acne was starting to clear up?" -Joel (as Lisa). #108(SP)

"Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a pie chart or something?" -Tom Servo. #103(MM)

"Why does he have to take orders from a bus driver?" -Crow. #417(CotM)

"Why doesn't the movie just cover him in cat vomit?" -Tom Servo. #821(TC)

"Why does the most evil man in the world live in a Stuckeys?" -Tom Servo. #411(tMS)

"Why don't they look?" -Railroad Engineer. #520(RSS)

"Why do you have that *glazed* look on your face?" -Tom Servo (as Tom). #312(GvG)

"Why do you think they call him 'Droppo'?" -**. #321(SCCtM)

"Why'd they send a mummy to Pine City Vo-Tech?" -Joel. #405(BfAP)

"Why, in God's name, is Sinbad tax-exempt??" -Tom Servo. #505(tMVoS)

"Why would anyone want to *do* this with Mitchell, Joel??" -Crow. #512(Mitchell)

"Will somebody *please* invade something!!" -Tom Servo. #602(IUSA)

"WINDOW!!... WINDOW!!..." -All. #102(tRvtAM)

"Women are torn apart like fresh bread..." -Joel (as Narrator). #421(MaGG)

"Word on the street is, you're a jerk." -Crow (as John Saxon). #512(Mitchell)

"Works every time..." -Joel (as Kemp). #111(M02) et al.

"Would he get a DWI for that?" "Posthumously." -Joel/Tom Servo. #K21(tLC)

"Would Kay enjoy... a weenie roast?" "NICK, NO!!" -Narrator/All. #503(SD)

"Would somebody please milk grandpa? He's in a lot of pain!" -Joel. #308(GvG)

"Would somebody shoot that turkey!?" -Tom Servo. #211(FSoV)

"Would this be a bad time to bring up Snausages?" -Joel (as Lassie). #510(L:tPH)

"Would you forget the skid marks!!!" -Tom Servo. #402(tGGM)

"Would you guys knock it off? I can't concentrate on my own lame wisecracks." -Crow. #210(KD)

"Would you knock it off about Dixieland jazz!?!" -Crow. #407(tKS)

"Would you like some -- SOUP?" -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)

"Would you quit being evil over my shoulder?" -Crow (as Kim Cattrall). #403(CL)


"Wow... Do you realize how many TV series would be wiped out if this room blew up?" -Tom Servo. #305(SiS)

"Wow! If a fellow were to happen to be a human duplicator, he could really have a ball up here!" -Joel (as George Nader). #420(tHD)

"Wow...I think I saw the sizzler there, Hank." -Mike (as dancing girl's partner). #812(TISC...)

"Wow, look at her go. I didn't realize cigarettes had so many vitamins." Mike. #905 (DB)

"Wow -- look! She really *is* smart!" -Tom Servo. #106(tCH)

"Wrong, but thanks for playing." -Crow (as Commander Scott). #104(WotPP) et al.

"Wynona!" -TV's Frank. #610(tVY)