M

"Ma'am, as a workin' ranch, when are we gonna get a cow, maybe plant a crop or somethin'?" -Crow (as ranch dude). #805(tTTCD)

"Made my own blender mayonnaise the other day..." -Joel (as Phil). #417(CotM)

"Make it personal. Hurt their feelings if you can." -Tom Servo (as Rocky Jones). #413(MiS)

"Mall of America was the scene of a violent coup today..." -**. #501(WotLW)

"Man... his shirt's so tight, you can see his liver!" -Crow. #607(Bloodlust!)

"Man... I never knew Arabia was so *Russian*." -Joel. #505(tMVoS)

"Man... It's like _No_Exit_ with bad jokes!" -**. #418(AottEC)

"Man... I wish they had a more effective monster. This is taking forever!" -Joel. #423(BotM)

"Man. Never show a *good* movie in the middle of your crappy movie." -Tom Servo. #822(OatMB)

"Man... You just can't keep that guy away from the farm animals." -Crow. #311(ICtW)

"MASTER NINJA THEME SONG!!" -Joel. #322(MN1)

"Matthew 6:19 at the half... heh heh, little preacher joke." -Tom Servo (as Pile-On Pete). #510(L:tPH)

"Maybe he's just in there building a shelf?" -Crow. #513(tBtWD)

"Maybe I dialed wrong. Let me try again. Let's see... 'zero'." -Tom Servo (as Tom Gregory). #108(SP)

"Maybe it's the flying saucer that I heard them talk... so much... about... late-... ly..." -Old Japanese Foster-Brooks guy.
#302(Gamera)

"Maybe the Japanese didn't know they were making a *film*, per se. Maybe they were doing something like fabric sculpture." -Crow. #819(IotNM)

"May I take your skirt?" -Tom Servo (as Toby). #105(tCV)

"MaY i uSE yOuR BatHroOM?" -Torgo. #508(OD007)

"Meanwhile, at Kurt Cobain's house..." -Tom Servo. #513(tBtWD)

"Meanwhile, back on the _Greasy Bastard_..." -Crow. #314(MJ)

"Meanwhile, in another movie..." -Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)

"Meanwhile, in the dark, impenetrable void, Jean-Paul Sartre was a-movin' and a-groovin'..." -Crow. #204(CC)

"Meanwhile, the Midvale police visit his locker and find out why they call him 'Buzz'..." -Tom Servo. #319(WotCB)

"Microsoft Service. Could you hold for an hour?" -**. #324(MN2)

"'Mike' is a very nice name." -Gypsy. #513(tBtWD)

"Mind if I kill a few people, Bonanza?" Tom Servo. #809 [IWaTW]

"Mind if I smell your daughter?" -Crow (as **). #312(GvG)

"Mister Papercut -- 47 different angles of paper jut from his body!" -Joel. #403(CL)

"MITCHELL!!" -All. #512(Mitchell)

"Mitchell... Even his name says, 'Is that a beer?'" -Joel. #512(Mitchell)

"Mmmm... Donuts and gray-water!" -Crow. #312(GvG)

"Mmmm... Dove bars. I love 'em no matter what dimension I'm in!" -Mike (as Cabot). #519(Outlaw)

"Mmmm... French dressing. I love it." -Crow (as Talowa). #211(FSoV)

"Mmmm... your lips are like crisp, delicious bacon..." -Tom Servo (as Dean). #607(Bloodlust!)

"Mohair!" -Tom Servo. #513-624. (Robot Roll Call.)

"Mom, if the UN calls, I'm playing with my slot cars." -Joel (as Itchy). #308(GvG)

"Mommy! Look at the man's ears!""Shhh.""Mommy! Look at them!""Shhh.""Mommy!" -**/**. #614(SFI)

"Mom! No!! She's putting out for a nickel! ... I have no mother..." -Tom Servo. #523(VotG)

"Monkey love pile on me!" -Joel (as Charlie). #204(CC)

"Most of the town didn't have a problem with the Giant Regime..." -Mike. #523(VotG)

"Mother Theresa called... She hates you." -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)

"Mother Theresa, please hold, *Kathy's* on line one..." -Crow (as God). #516(AfLA)

"MOUNT FUJI -- again!!..." -All. #K22(LotD)

"Mount your horses, gentlemen." "We're not *that* lonely!" -Sir Branton/Crow (as George). #411(tMS)

"Movie, is there something you'd like to share with us?" -Tom Servo. #904(AW)

"Mr. B, you're HOT!!" -Joel. #319(WotCB)

"My god you're ugly..." -Crow (as Neil Striker). #305(SiS) et al.

"My mother's donuts are a saint!!" -Crow (as Tom). #312(GvG)

"My my my my MY GOD!!!" -Crow. #512(Mitchell)

"My one piece of advice: Do not have the Venusian Pu-Pu Platter." -Crow (as Durant). #211(FSoV)

"My shorts are never boring." "Thank you, Tom." -Tom Servo/Joel. #102(tRvtAM)

"My spirit is snoring!" -Tom Servo. #208(LC)

"*My* transmitter?! Look, dickweed..." -Crow (as Herringway). #211(FSoV)
 

N

"NC-17 -- fifties style..." -Crow. #603(tDTB)

"Neat. Dark specter in basic black." -Tom Servo. #511(Gunslinger)

"Nellie Manley, who's real name is Sissy Macho." -Crow. #906(SC)

"Never trust a man with two first names, especially if one of them's a woman's." -Joel. #K22(LotD)

"Never, under any circumstances, drive with your butt-cheeks." -** (as Narrator). #520(RSS)

"New rule, Frank: Don't ever touch me." -Dr. Forrester. #407(tKS)

"Next on Sally Jesse Raphael -- Ski Joring." -Tom Servo. #311(ICtW)

"Next time I make a robot, no more free will." -Joel. #106(tCH)

"Nice caboose on that girl... What am I saying?!? That's my daughter!! ... I *am* mad!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Cameron). #103(MM)

"Nice hinder, son." "Thanks, dad." "I meant the girl!!!" -Tom Servo (as Tom Grant)/Crow (as Ben). #522(TCW)

"Nice jammies." -Crow. #K09(CP)

"Nice location for a beating. Real scenic!" -Tom Servo. #403(CL)

"Nice of you to include us in the plot." -**. #*

"NICE TAG!" -All. #105(tCV) et al.

"Nipple nipple tweak tweak FLY!!..." -Tom Servo (as Commando Cody).#105(tCV) et al.

"No, but I once saw a bear drinking a soda." -Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)

"No, Edward! Don't do it!" "DO IT, EDWARD, DO IT!!" -Flora/All. #102(tRvtAM)

"No, I'm saving myself for the right oily drifter." -Joel (as Carrie (she's so very)). #509(tGiLL)

"'No, Joel, *you* can't go to Woodstock, *you're* only nine years old...'" -Joel. #204(CC)

"No, Marmaduke! Don't use the triple-overhand stitch! Bad dog!" -Crow. #301(CD)

"No monologues with poopie pants, please." -Tom Servo. #821(TC)

"No, my doctor says I can't have Mr. Pibb!" -TV's Frank. #508(OD007)

"No, no, forget the beach chair! You're in a hurry!" -Tom Servo. #306(TotA)

"No one can beat me at snap zooms! I was in _Time of the Apes_!" -Crow (as Capt. Joe). #310(FA)

"No one could hold a candle to him in this role. Well, maybe they could douse him in something flammable and *then* hold a candle to him." -Crow. #105(tCV)

"No one will be seated during the famous Fish Argument." -**. #316(GvZ)

"No self-respecting scientist would have his shirt unbuttoned that far." -Tom Servo. #106(tCH)

"Not a high school diploma between them..." -Crow. #415(The Beatniks)

"Nothing like an invigorating swim with a corpse in the morning." -Tom Servo (as Tom Stewart). #414(Tormented)

"Not since the Fuzzy Zoeller and Lee Trevino collision has there been a worse golf cart accident." -Mike. #820(SM)

"*Not-so-Red-Hot* Nurses." -Mike. #818(DD)

"Now, don't you kids get drunk and go swimming under the dock. (Doodly doodly doodly...) Help! I'm drunk and I'm swimming under the dock!!" -Tom Servo. #502(Hercules)

"Now, every scientist worth his salt knows that dogs love chirpy little chew toys, *and* they love rock-'n'-roll; so..." -Dr. Forrester.
#213(GvtSM)

"Now, I envision Big Stupid as pure energy..." -TV's Frank. #509(tGiLL)

"Now, if you look out the left side of the train, you'll see -- the right side of the train." -Crow. #113(BS)

"Now Michael Jackson's journey is complete..." -**. #508(OD007)

"Now our guest is a naive actress from Podunk...won't you welcome her." -Tom. #613(tSU)

"Now *that's* science!" -Joel. #421(MaGG)

"Now that the Golden Fleece is gone, he must officiate." "EWWWW!!" -Iole/All. #502(Hercules)

"Now that we have a space station,--" "--or FRISBEE--" "--it is at last possible to send a ship--" "--or BATTERIES--" "all the way around the moon." "--or PLAYGROUND BALL." -General Greene/All. #109(PMB)

"Now they can all die on dry land!" -**. #212(GvM)

"Now this, to me, is good TV -- being genetically altered on cable television." -'Jack Perkins'. #310(FA)

"Now *this* will anger the gods." -Tom Servo. #605(CatH)

"Now, wait a minute... Is it me, or did I just lose face?" -**. #322(MN1)

"Now we can kill us some game in peace and quiet." "Do you realize what you just said?" -Matt/Crow (as Lorne Green guy). #303(PP)

"Now, we've always known that there are fish in the ocean--" "--Oh, that's a little farfetched!" -Prof. Galbraith/Joel (as Tom Gregory). #108(SP)

"Now, where were we. Ah, yes, I believe I had my tongue down your throat." -Crow (as Lewis B. Moffitt). #206(RoT)

"Now, you see, this is irresponsible. They're encouraging people to go out and drug Kathy Ireland." -Mike. #516(AfLA)

"No, you can't inject puberty, it has to happen over time." -**. #503(SD)

"No zombies. Not allowed." -Tom Servo (as Restaurant Owner). #106(tCH)

"Number of seances since last injury: 13." -Sign found in Deep Thirteen. #418(AottEC)
 

O

"Objection! The use of the term 'nipple' is imprecise, incorrect, and misleading -- though, I admit, mildly provocative..." -Tom Servo. #108(SP)

"Off to meet my doom, Mom! See you after school!" -Joel (as Johnny). #306(TotA)

"Oh, and that playground ball's a threat, too." -Tom Servo. #104(WotPP)

"Oh, and, uh, you're married to me, that was the other thing..." -**. #316(GvZ)

"Oh, and you can smoke too." -Tom Servo (as Capt. Mike Brady). #K12(SSTDF)

"Oh, and you must have a wire rack." -Tom Servo (as Prof. E.C. Buehler). #313(EvtS)

"Oh, as if *you're* the only person who ever got their head cut off. Quit whining!" -Tom Servo. #513(tBtWD)

"Oh, a *single* smoocher! The worst kind!" -**. #418(AottEC)

"Oh, bite me. It's fun!" -Joel (as Zor). #301(CD) et al.

"Oh, Bob's alright. A little trigger-happy, perhaps..." -**. #203(JG)

"Oh, boy, this is gonna be dark..." -TV's Frank. #509(tGiLL)

"Oh -- Canada. That explains why it SUCKED!!" -Crow. #K21(tLC)

"Oh, Crow... What the heck does this have to do with French toast?!" -Tom Servo. #317(VWatSS)

"Oh, don't invoke Jupiter..." -Mike. #514(TS)

"Oh, everything's better in the crawlicopter..." -Tom Servo. #211(FSoV)

"Oh, excuse me, Mr. Coffee..." -Tom Servo. #K10(HW) and #103(MM)

"Oh, excuse *me*, sexless man-woman." -Tom Servo (as Buzz). #319(WotCB)

"Oh, fine. Everyone pick on the Devil." -Mike. #603(tDTB)

"Oh. Flying hellbeast. Seen it." -Joel (as Itchy). #308(GvG)

"Oh, Gene Hackman. He's good in anything." -Joel. #401(ST)

"Oh, George Nader. He's untalented at any speed." -Joel. #420(tHD)

"Oh, god... I was gonna get through this movie without thinking about his hips, and now *this*!..." -Mike. #515(tWWWoBW)

"Oh -- God, no!! Does he have room for *her* down there?!" -Crow. #423(BotM)

"Oh, golly!" -Tom Servo. #K09(CP) et al.

"Oh, great, a harmonica. As if this guy wasn't annoying enough." -Crow. #201(RXM)

"Oh, great. Another oily, unlikable character." -Crow. #419(tRS)

"Oh, great. The plague. And I've got a date!" -Crow (as Michael). #405(BfAP)

"Oh, great, Tony, you shot a midget. Hope you sleep well tonight." -Joel (as a Cop). #105(tCV)

"Oh, he's just the host organism..." -Crow. #421(MaGG)

"Oh I'd hate to shoot a butt like that!" -Tom Servo. #102(tRvtAM) et al.

"Oh -- I didn't grow proportionately!!" -Mike (as Pete). #523(VotG)

"Oh -- I forgot France! Oh, well..." -Mike (as Santa). #521(SC)

"Oh, I hope *they* aren't Herc's mortal weakness!" -Crow. #502(Hercules)

"Oh, I know I'm being punished for something... What have I done??... I DIDN'T ASK TO SEE THIS MOVIE!!" -Tom Servo. #506(Eegah!)

"Oh, I'll alert the media..." -Tom Servo (as Cesar Romero). #208(LC) et al.

"Oh, I see some *really* stupid children being born as a result of these two meeting." -Tom Servo. #904(AW)

"Oh, I suppose *Hell* got an NEA grant." -Mike. #521(SC)

"--Oh!! I thought he was gonna rip off his mustache!" -Crow. #322(MN1)

"Oh -- I thought that was a smoke detector!" -Tom Servo (as Cody). #102(tRvtAM)

"Oh, it's just part of the American way: turning a neighboring country rich in culture and beauty into a goofy appetizer." -Joel. #319(WotCB)

"Oh, it's _Microsoft Spell Check By Phone_." -Tom. #811(p:TCH)

"Oh, like there's a plot to this..." -Tom Servo. #416(FMoOS)

"Oh my god, he's playing dress-up! NO! NO!!!..." -Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)

"Oh my god, please say this isn't happening!!" -Crow. #319(WotCB)

"Oh my god! The humidifier committed suicide!!" -**. #212(GvM)

"Oh, Nelson. So close and yet so not." -Dr. Forrester. #522(TCW)

"Oh, no! My aunt's coming to take me to the Michael Bolton concert!" -Tom Servo. #502(Hercules)

"Oh, no!! Not the bean bag chair!" -Joel. #423(BotM)

"Oh, no! Someone knocked over the sump pump in the _Mir_!" -Mike. #819(IotNM)

"Oh, no!! They *licked* her to death!" "I *knowwww*..." -Tom Servo/Crow. #317(VWatSS)

"Oh! Oh! Oh!...the sawgrass...oh...I shouldn't have worn my little shorts." -Mike (as kid). #819(IotNM)

"Oh, pardon *me*, Tom 'I've-got-to-take-an-Indestructible-Whiz' Servo." -Joel. #409(IM)

"Oh, please little fart...stay inside my dress." -Tom Servo (as Marian). #818(DD)

"Oh, pleeeease, Laurel Records! Let us use "The Web"! C'mon!" -Crow. #513(tBtWD)

"Oh, pooh -- I'm in the pit of Hell." -Tom Servo (as Kathy Ireland). #516(AfLA)

"Oh -- See, gays in the military, right there." -Joel. #508(OD007)

"Oh, she's a Ouija *broad*!" -Tom Servo. #805(tTTCD)

"Oh, shut up! Ever since we left, all it's been out of you is 'Texas this' and 'Texas that'... Well, listen, bub, I've been to Texas, and it's not all that great!" -Crow (as Lloyd). #201(RXM)

"Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further." -Crow. #515(tWWWoBW)

"Oh, the Crawlicopter -- that's your answer for everything." -Crow. #211(FSoV)

"Oh, the guy's got an upper back fetish." -Mike. #818(DD)

"Oh, there she is -- about 200 yards. You could make it with iron sights, but you'll want to use a scope, Crow..." -Tom Servo. #510(L:tPH)

"Oh, this is a great date. I've always wanted to be nuzzled by a hobo." -Joel (as Carrie). #509(tGiLL)

"Oh, Travis Bickle moved out to the suburbs, eh?" -Mike. #904(AW)

"Oh. We're in Hell. Neat." -Joel. #208(LC)

"Oh, we sold her into slavery for some magic beans. Why?" -Joel (as Penny). #112(UY)

"Oh, wowww..." -Joel. #K12(SSTDF) et al.

"Oh, yeah, feel real good about kicking a fish's butt. That's real nice." -Joel. #204(CC)

"Oh! You magnificent son-of-a-bitch, I read your book!" -Crow (as Paisley). #202(Sidehackers).

"Okay, *don't* kill me! Sure could go for a sammich, though..." -Tom Servo. #416(FMoOS)

"Okay, guys. Don't frag me again." -Tom Servo (as Col. Caldwell). #606(tCT)

"Okay -- It forms three creamy layers -- No, wait, three layers: a creamy layer, a gelatinous layer, and... dammit, I *must* find that formula!" -Tom Servo (as The Bat). #102(tRvtAM)

"Okay, now remember our rule: Only one dead at each place." -**. #503(SD)

"Okay, okay, you can have your raise!" -Crow (as Peter Graves). #517(tBotE)

"Okay, sheriff, we've given your idea a lot of thought and -- we've decided to step on you." -Tom Servo (as Beau Bridges). #523(VotG)

"Okay, show of hands: Who wet 'em?" -Mike (as the Sheriff). #523(VotG)

"Okay, stop...everyone go up a shirt size!" -Crow. #904(AW)

"Okay, we're gonna whack Santa, he's muscling in on the Easter Bunny's turf..." -Tom Servo (as Italian kid). #521(SC)

"Once again, Big has saved Danny from a heterosexual experience." -Joel. #509(tGiLL)

"One good thing about the apocalypse -- always plenty of parking." -Tom Servo. #403(CL)

"Only *radar* knows what the hell is going on..." -Mike. #520(RSS)

"Ooh! I hope they start wrestling!" -Tom Servo. #317(VWatSS)

"Ooh, Steve is really delicious!" -Crow (as Rota). #213(GvtSM)

"Ooh, that's good lard..." -TV's Frank. #312(GvG)

"Oscar Wilde only *wished* he were this gay." -Joel. #319(WotCB)

"Ouch!! I landed on my eight-sided dice!" -Joel (as a human sacrifice). #301(CD)

"Ouch!! You laid me on a pufferfish!" -Mike (as **) #911(DF)

"Our minds play strange tricks on us sometimes." "Yeah, like that weiner- between-the-fingers trick!" -Dr. Lorenz/Joel. #105(tCV)

"Outtakes from the Manson Family Christmaas." -Crow. #812(TISC...)

"Ow!! I fell on my keys!" -Crow (as Hercules). #408(HU) et al.

"Owowowowww! Somebody put Wasabe in our jocks!!" -Crow (as Japanese guys). #819(IotNM)

"Ow!! Right in the Winky..." -Tom Servo. #413(MiS)
 
 

P

"Pa doesn't know very much about girls' clothes." "There's so much you could say to that." -Carrie/Crow. #509(tGiLL)

"Painful, yes, but I've got to think of the greater Me." -Dr. Forrester. #523(VotG)

"Pajamas, jazz, and communism. This is WILD!!" -Crow. #610(tVY)

"PEEP." -Crow and Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)

"People from the future are so smug." -**. #K07(GvG)

"Perfect Paul and his Magnetic Spleen -- he has only one flaw!" -Tom Servo. #403(CL)

"Personal effects make me happy." -Joel (as police chief). #504(SASD)

"Pervert-Burger!" -Crow (as Jack Elam). #509(tGiLL)

"'Pile-On Pete'??" -Joel. #510(L:tPH)

"Pizza." -Door Number Three. #101-512

"'Pizza pizza' my ass..." -Joel (as Hercules). #410(HatMM)

"P.J. Truffleberry's -- try the fantoozler!" -Joel. #322(MN1)

"Please, Dad -- don't kill us and take us to the afterworld and stuff!" -Crow. #208(LC)

"Please hit Bobby." -Joel (as Rocky Jones). #417(CotM)

"Please remain seated until the movie grinds to a complete halt." -**. #*

"Please slip corpses under the door after ten." -Crow. #206(RoT)

"Please take the Bob Hope hat off!" -**. #316(GvZ)

"Point zero-zero-FORE!" -Joel. #504(SASD)

"Pond scum is fleeing in terror from her face." -Tom. #813(JF)

"Prepare to meet Kali's brother -- near hell!!" -Tom Servo (as Thayer). #508(OD007)

"Pretty please, with Herc on top?" -Crow (as Hercules). #502(Hercules)

"Probation isn't a right, it's a privilege." "Like stretch pants." -Probation Officer/Crow. #601(GT)

"Progress! *That's* what my career lacks!" -Crow (as Robbie Benson). #403(CL)

"Protect the legend... the LEGEND!!" "Okay... He was Bigfoot." -Burgess Meredith/** (as **). #K12(SSTDF)

"Pull my finger." -Crow (as Glen). #309(tACM) et al.

"Pulse normal... Heartbeat faint but regular... Respiration steady... Reactions, none..." "Wait a minute -- that's *me*!" -Sharon/Joel (as John Carradine). #320(The Unearthly)

"Puma? Puma!" -R.J. Dobson. #206(RoT)

"Push the button, Frank. I've got a tennis game later with the chirping hellbeast." -Dr. Forrester. #309(tACM)

"Put that lampshade on your head, tie femur bones around your waist, and dance naked in the moonlight!" -**. #203(JG)
 
 
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