"I accuse her hair!" -Crow. #507(IAmP)

"I am frank to say, I am puzzled." -Haggar Nu. #413(MiS)

"I... am going... to KILL you! Why? Because you are going to die!" -Crow (as the Sea Monster). #213(GvtSM)

"I am HOT! I turn *myself* on!" -Tom Servo (as Brasiere). #317(VWatSS)

"I AM IRONMAN!!!" -Joel. #401(ST)

"I am Servotron, destroyer of worlds!" -Tom Servo. #213(GvtSM)

"I am the atomic powered robot. Please give my best wishes to everybody!" -Minsky the Robot. #504(SASD)

"I *am* the button!" -TV's Frank. #410(HatMM)

"I betcha he smells like Jack Del Rio's jock strap." -Tom. #619(RZC)

"I bet if these guys filmed _Citizen Kane_ it would have had a twenty-minute sled sequence in it!" -Tom Servo. #209(HC)

"I can see my house from here!" -Joel (as Linda). #104(WotPP) et al.

"I can't believe how really in London we are." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)

"I can't believe I just said 'codependent'!!" -Tom Servo. #504(SASD)

"I can't believe we're trying to annihilate you -- This is *delicious*!" -Crow (as a Moon Man). #109(PMB)

"I can't tell you how richly satisfying this is." -Tom Servo. #501(WotLW)

"I care deeply about them as characters." -Tom Servo. #609(tSD)

"I command you to shake that money-maker!!" -Crow (as Vorelli). #818(DD)

"I could sure go for a charbroiled hamburger sammich and some french fried potatoes!" -the White Goddess. #203(JG)

"I could watch this all day." "You *will*." -Tom Servo/Mike. #820(SM)

"I crap bigger than this movie..." -Crow (as Jack Palance). #519(Outlaw)

"I'd be relieved if I knew what was happening." -Joel. #417(CotM)

"I'd certainly like a chance to examine that dummy..." "So if you could look away for a moment..." -Mark/Mike (as Mark). #818(DD)

"I 'desire' you to stop singing." -Tom Servo. #415(The Beatniks)

"I didn't know they had plywood on the moon." -Crow. #103(MM)

"I'd like to hit you really hard." -Crow (as Capt. Sherman). #407(tKS)

"I'd like to see you again, lots of times. And then stop abruptly, breaking your heart like a toy." -Joel (as Bob). #112(UY)

"I'd like to thank the fine people of Seatopia for giving me these totally useless arms!" -Joel (as Megalon). #212(GvM)

"I'd never wanted to die in a plane, but now I'm very excited about it." -Crow (as Lt. Wilson). #208(LC)

"I do I do I do I *do* believe in Gaos!" -Joel (as Itchy). #308(GvG)

"I do not know what we are. Perhaps we are gauchos. Ole!" -** (as some guys in the parade). #503(SD)

"I don't care!" -Johnny. #306(TotA)

"I don't cotton to those long-haired artsy types." -Dr. Forrester. #411(tMS)

"I don't even know how fish work!" -Joel (as Capt. Sherman). #407(tKS)

"I don't get it. Is it cool to make no sense, Joel? Is it hip to be vague?" -Crow. #107(RM)

"I don't know *what* to believe!" "Try believing in ESL for a while!" -Natalie/Tom Servo. #904(AW)

"I don't know where my friend went, but -- there's a pile of poop here with shoes in it!" -Tom Servo (as Itchy). #308(GvG)

"I don't mean to rush you, ma'am, but is this death going to take long?" -Tom Servo(as a Cop). #522(TCW)

"I don't suppose there's any chance this guy's going to end up under the wheels of a train, is there?" -Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)

"'I don't want to die, I don't want to die'... Look, I got problems too!!" -Crow. #504(SASD)

"I'd put football pads on and just go up and down the street diving through plate glass windows!" -Crow. #501(WotLW)

"I'd rather share a needle with Keith Richards." -Tom Servo (as Ken). #310(FA)

"I'd really like to see you rub your forearms together." -Crow (as Peter Graves). #517(tBotE)

"I'd say Mrs. Butterworth is going to have a lot of explaining to do..." -Tom Servo. #211(FSoV)

"I'd slap this movie if I could." -Tom Servo. #516(AfLA)

"I dunno, some planet, I think. Supposed to be good for you..." -'The Amazing Colossal Man'. #309(tACM)

"If Bruce Willis' career continues its downward slide, it could be a setback to the forces of Evil everywhere!" -TV's Frank. #401(ST)

"If, earlier, he had said, 'I'll never be impaled on my own rack', *then* this would have been ironic. But..." -Mike. #607(Bloodlust!)

"I feel like a cheeseburger. Would you go make love to the guy at the Jack-in-the-Box?" -Mike (as Frankie). #609(tSD)

"I feel like a hundred bucks!" -Crow (as Prof. Heracles). #323(CoFM)

"If I knew what was going on I'd really be indignant." -Crow. #403(CL)

"If I'm going to stay down here and thump Number Three again--" "--I'll need a magazine!" -Kemp/Crow (as Kemp). #111(M02)

"If it takes a plane crash to bring people together, I think it's worth it." -**. #K12(SSTDF)

"If I were skeptical, I'd say that was Central Park." -Joel. #110(RH)

"If Jack Ruby owned a Denny's..." -Mike. #513(tBtWD)

"If my deepest, darkest despair had choreography -- *this* would be it." -Tom Servo. #606(tCT)

"If only an androgynous man would come and visit meeeee..." -Joel (as Buzz). #319(WotCB)

"I forgot -- you're on the other side'." "What other side?" "Sauron's dark army." -Janey/Bob/Crow (as Janey). #112(UY)

"If these people are beatniks then my *mom* is a beatnik and, she's not!" -Joel. #415(Beatniks).

"If we don't die, you want to catch a movie or something? I mean, if you're not alive I'll totally understand, it won't hurt my feelings or anything..." -Joel (as Kemp). #111(M02)

"If we don't get a volunteer, yer all gonna have to see my can!" -Crow (as Magda). #818(DD)

"If you could see my hands right now, you'd be horrified." -Tom Servo (as Peter Graves). #517(tBotE)

"If you drag out our rotting, broken carcasses, it means it didn't really work out very well." -Tom Servo (as Prof. Galbraith). #108(SP)

"If you find a melody, Sinbad, hop on..." -Joel. #505(tMVoS)

"If you get near a consonant, let us know." -Tom Servo. #416(FMoOS)

"If you're like me -- and I know *I* am..." -Joel. #212(GvM)

"If you're looking for plausibility, you won't find it here." -Joel. #210(KD)

"If you remember that, you have a great weapon!" "I *knowww*..." -Evil Spacewoman/All. #316(GvZ)

"I give not a crap for thee." -Tom Servo (as Hestia). #416(FMoOS)

"I guess a rocket *is* standard picnicking equipment in Japan..." -**. #212(GvM)

"I had Jello today..." -Joel (as Dr. Revere). #305(SiS) et al.

"I had this dream once." -Crow. #316(GvZ)

"I hate movies where the men wear shorter skirts than the women." -Crow. #410(HatMM)

"I have named it! It's called *Me*-ite!" -**. #524(12ttM)

"I have never piloted swim trunks before." -Tom Servo (as Derek). #404(TfOS)

"I have never seen anyone so nonchalant about a flying saucer." -Tom Servo. #K18(TotA)

"I have no clue what you're talking about, but I'm profoundly devastated." -Tom Servo (as Flannigan). #515(tWWWoBW)

"I have no depth perception; it seems like a normal sized turtle to me..." -Tom Servo. #K07(GvG)

"I *have* performed surgery once before, and although the patient didn't survive I feel quite confident." -Joel (as Doctor). #413(MiS)

"I have the feeling one of these characters is about to see their own intestines." -**. #520(RSS)

"I have the feeling *Satan* would regret making this movie." -Mike. #515(tWWWoBW)

"I have the feeling we've met somewhere before." "*I* just have the *feeling*!" -Queen Omphale/Crow (as Castor). #408(HU)

"I have waited until your daughter reached that age, so that my dragon could relish the flesh of the princess." "Oh, wowwww..." -Basil Rathbone/Joel. #411(tMS)

"I hear his theme music, he's around here somewhere." -**. #322(MN1)

"I hope I look all right for my meeting with the Sun God..." -Crow (as Dr. Saknussem). #516(AfLA)

"I hope she's into big-assed medallions." -Tom Servo (as Lee van Cleef). #322(MN1)

"I hope they eat *him* first." -Crow. #523(VotG)

"I hope we've touched you with a little bit of our evilness." -Crow (as the Narrator). #307(Daddy-O)

"I just ate my own vomit!" -Joel (as Dirk Squarejaw). #201(RXM)

"I just have to know if the Twins lost again." -Tom (as Ann-Margaret) #615(KWaW)

"I just love the whole incoherent _Mighty Jack_ quality of this film." -Tom Servo. #318(SF:FA2)

"I just never imagined the future being lit so poorly." -Joel. #K21(tLC)

"I just saw half a crab kill a guy..." -Joel (as Commander Yamoto). #213(GvtSM)

"I just thought I'd take my morning constitutional." "Ewww! Here on the beach??" -Mr. Duvall/Tom Servo. #204(CC)

"I just want to be Bavarian for one brief, shining moment! Is that so wrong?!" -TV's Frank. #508(OD007)

"I just want to know if the Lord said it this many times in a row." -Joel. #402(tGGM)

"I killed it and I'm glad." -Crow (as head of NASA). #201(RXM)

"I KILLED THAT FAT BARKEEP!!" -Mooney. #415(The Beatniks)

"I kinda feel bad about our passions of conquest." -**. #524(12ttM)

"I know all about your Luberia." "Hey! That cleared up." -Morgiana/Crow (as Sinbad). #505(tMVoS)

"I know a Weiner Man..." -Crow. #111(M02) et al.

"I know how toast works..." -Tom Servo (as Jimmy). #507(IAmP)

"I know what you're thinking -- Did I fire six shots of seltzer or seven?" -Crow (as Vena). #413(MiS)

"I laughed... I cried... I cried *a lot*!..." -Tom Servo. #K05(GvZ)

"I like Wade, he's just not a dancer." -Tom Servo (as some guy). #511(Gunslinger) et al.

"'I like you. Do you like me? -Signed, The Minister of Health.'..." -Joel (as Neil Connery). #508(OD007)

"I like you, Gramps. That's why I'll kill you last." -Crow (as Thor). #404(TfOS)

"I'll be fine as soon as I scrape my butt off the ceiling..." -Crow (as Chen Yu (gesundheit!)). #211(FSoV)

"I'll be using this condescending tone until the mid-70's." -Crow (as Chase). #402(tGGM)

"I'll be with you in a moment, I'm just sealing some fates." -Crow (as God). #210(KD)

"*I'll* decide if it's a good morning or not!" -Tom Servo (as God). #210(KD)

"I'll give you five minutes." "For what?" "To start running!" -**. #203(JG)

"I'll give you ten dollars every time you don't hit me." -Crow (as Danny). #509(tGiLL)

"I'll just stay here and bark out belligerent, fat-assed orders." -Tom Servo (as the Sheriff). #313(EvtS)

"I'll never forget you, Trumpy." "...The way you callously knocked off 15 people... I'll never forget that; don't ever change, Trumpy..." -Tommy/Tom Servo (as Tommy). #303(PP)

"I'll stay here and supervise the zombie." -Tom Servo (as Victor). #518(tAB)

"I love my dead Greek son!" -Tom Servo (as King Pelias). #502(Hercules)

"I love the smell of SPACOM in the morning. Smells like... chicory??" -Tom Servo. #109(PM)

"I love you, Tom Servo!" "I love you, Joel!" "I love you, Crow!" "You're not my real father!" Joel/Tom Servo/Joel/Crow. #303(PP)

"I made a boomerang to hunt wild animals!" -Tom Servo. #410(HatMM)

"I'm a *dog*! I can't process this much information at once!" -Joel (as Lassie). #510(L:tPH)

"Imagine what it'd be like if something were happening!" -Crow. #410(HatMM)

"I'm a Grimald warrior!!" -Joel (as Mick). #403(CL)

"I'm a highly trained professional and it's *still* cool!" -Joel (as Stony). #401(ST)

"I'm *already* sorry, Bobby..." -Tom Servo (as Rocky Jones). #413(MiS)

"I'm a practical woman, Dr. Frank. Now: Lop my head off!" -Crow (as Mrs. March). #518(tAB)

"I'm a *scientist*! I don't think -- I observe!" -Dr. Forrester. #410(HatMM)

"I'm a stranger with parasites." -Tom Servo (as Ralph). #210(KD)

"I may be color blind, but it's plain to see I'm wearing a dress." -Tom Servo. #413(MiS)

"I'm cookin' with Crisco now!..." -Tom Servo. #112(UY)

"I'm doing this for Jody Foster. It's nothing personal." -Tom Servo (as a Cop). #311(ICtW)

"I'm equipped with shifting antigens, so don't even try to find a cure!" -Tom Servo. #420(HD)

"I'm glad I chose kickin' butt as a career." -Tom Servo (as Hercules). #410(HatMM)

"I'm going to be a world-champion blind lady!" -Crow (as Lisa). #420(tHD)

"I'm going to call it Planet Me." -Joel (as Dr. Blair). #416(FMoOS)

"I'm gonna build a blimp and fight the Nazzies!" -**. #507(IAmP)

"I'm gonna get you! All three of you!" "Wait, there's... only one of me!" -the Butcher/** (as **). #409(IM)

"I'm gonna moon you, man, I'm gonna MOON you!!" "Well, that's gonna be tough, 'cause you really don't have a hinder to speak of." -Crow/Tom Servo. #415(Beatniks)

"I'm here for the Gumby wedding." -Crow (as Taplin). #111(M02)

"I'm here to eat candy canes and kick ass, and I'm all out of candy canes!" -Krusher Kringle. #521(SC)

"I'm huge!" -Joel (as Detective). #207(WR) et al.

"I'm in it for the kicks!" -Gypsy. #207(WR)

"I'm learning a lot more about this guy's nasal hair than I ever wanted to know." -Joel. #323(CoFM)

"I'm LONG!" -Crow (as Laertes). #408(HU)

"I'm *mental*, not *stupid*!" -Tom Servo (as Seraphina). #601(GT)

"I'm not holding back anything!" "Certainly talent." -Natalie/Crow. #904(AW)

"I'm not interested in what's fair. I'm only interested in things that make my head look bigger." -Joel (as Mr. Tropp). #112(UY)

"I'm not just for breakfast anymore." -Tom Servo (as Tang). #104(WotPP)

"I'm not worried about it; my name's in the title." -Joel (as Sinbad). #505(tMVoS)

"I'm on the verge of despair again!" -Tom Servo (as Ariel). #605(CatH)

"I'm relative humidity. It's not so much the heat as it is me." -Tom Servo (as the West Wind). #422(tDtEF)

"I'm requesting this movie jump up my butt!" -Crow. #822(OatMB)

"I'm so concerned I felt compelled to touch you." -Joel (as Admiral King). #104(WotPP)

"I'm sorry about the stamps." -Mike. #614(SFI)

"I'm sorry, your *what* hurts?" -Tom Servo. #408(HU)

"I'm so sleepy I can't seem to keep awake." -Hercules. #408(HU)

"I'm so upset that I'll binge on a Saltine." -Crow (as Mom). #812(TISC...)

"I'm squishy and I need to move on it!" -Mike (as Judy). #610(tVY)

"I'm starting to think Peter Graves didn't invest much time in this movie." -Tom. #811(p:TCH)

"I'm tempted to call her something that rhymes with 'bitch'!" -Gypsy. #607(Bloodlust!)

"I'm the god, I'M THE GOD!!!" -TV's Frank. #201(RXM)

"I'm thinkin' of tellin' my wife I love her... ... ... NAHHHH!!!" -Crow (as the Truck Farmer). #507(IAmP)

"I'm torn between mourning my boyfriend and subscribing to Marxist dogma." -Tom Servo (as Carla). #602(IUSA)

"I'm turning on my invisible electromagnetic ray screen. Even *I* don't buy it." -**. #524(12ttM)

"*I'm* your boyfriend now!!" -Crow (as Giant Iguana). #210(KD) et al.

"*I'm* your mother now, Frank." -Dr. Forrester. #513(tBtWD)

"In all my years on the force, I don't think I've ever seen a more vicious murder. *God* I love my job!" -Tom Servo (as Lt. Lewis).

"I never realized the Russian army would have chaperones." -Tom Servo. #602(IUSA)

"I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying." -**. #205(RAUSA)

"Intersect...making lines meet for over 50 years." -Tom. #814(RwD)

"In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts." -**. #110(RH)

"In the land of Dairy Queen..." -All. #K09(CP)

"In this all-purpose two-lid utility storage cabinet with 23 cubic foot storage capacity--" "--bodies stack easily." -Narrator/Mike (as
Narrator). #603(tDTB)

"In Wisconsin, that roof would say 'Diesel Cheese Snacks'." -Tom. #611(tLotWH)

"I oughta kick your so-called butt!" -Crow (as Prof. von Dornheimer). #420(tHD)

"I predict that in the climactic finale, she jumps without a chute, and then her *hair* opens up." -Mike. #609(tSD)

"I question the relevance of this scene." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)

"I reject Tommy Kirk and all his works." -Crow. #523(VotG)

"I remember one of the first things Harry drilled into me --" "--was Harry!" -**. #424(M:tHoF)

"I saw Gamera kissing Santa Claus." -Joel (as Scientist). #312(GvG)

"I saw it with my own hair!" -**. #418(AottEC)

"I see you've decided to go psycho. Godspeed." -Dr. Forrester. #516(AfLA)

"Is he a time-traveler?" -Tom Servo. #204(CC)

"I should get my extra ear flap removed." -Mike (as Mark). #818(DD)

"I shun you version 3.0 for Windows!" -Tom Servo. #515(tWWWoBW)

"I sing whenever I sing whenever I..." -Chase Winstead. #402(tGGM)

"Is it primordial soup yet?" -Joel. #104(WotPP)

"Is it Sampo yet?" -Joel (as some whiney Troll). #422(tDtEF)

"Is _Kitaro_ playing in the dairy case?" -Tom Servo. #821(TC)

"Isn't *any* amount of atomic activity on the moon unusual?" -Tom Servo. #102(tRvtAM)

"Isn't it cute the way they're making a stab at a plot?" -Crow. #605(CatH)

"Is science supposed to smell like banana creme?" -TV's Frank. #601(GT)

"Is something wrong, Mr. Miller?" "Sit down, pie-face, it's a long list..." -Arch Hall, Jr./** (as Mr. Miller). #506(Eegah!)

"Is that Ator up there, or are you just glad to see me?" -Tom Servo (as Zor). #301(CD)

"Is that car in your area?" "I beg your pardon!!" -Police Dispatcher/Crow (as MacKenzie). #517(tBotE)

"Is that what they use in Mister Misty's?! That's extremely icky, Joel!" -Tom Servo. #K09(CP)

"Is there another wise man we could talk to?" -Crow (as Lemonkainen). #422(tDtEF)

"Is there something Arch Hall, Jr. about her?" -Mike. #805(tTTCD)

"Is this blank verse?" -Crow. #806(tU)

"Is this really the best away team he could have chosen?" -Crow. #505(tMVoS)

"Is this the man?"  "No sir, you da man." -Kalgan/Mike (as guard). #820 (SM)

"I sure hope that's pudding..." -Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)

"Is your knob turned to Bob?"-Tom. #623(tATM)

"--It has no time to stop for you corn-shucking crackers!" -Mike (as Narrator). #520(RSS)

"It has the power to convert organic matter into inorganic matter!..." "--Like McDonalds?" -Col. Sanders-san/Joel. #302(Gamera)

"I think everyone ought to come in and have a hot cup of cocoa and come inside and be nice and snuggly." -Crow (as Dr. Herly). #201(RXM)

"I think he found the titanium -- or, the titanium found him." -Joel. #K09(CP)

"I think he's made of chili now." -Tom Servo. #K09(CP)

"I think I had her in the eighth grade." -Crow. #508(OD007)

"I think I'm a hermaphrodite!" -** (as Mikey). #514(TS)

"I think it's a strapless evening gown." "You think *everything* is a strapless evening gown!" -Tom Servo/Crow. #422(tDtEF)

"I think this movie just broke the goofy-meter." -Joel. #407(tKS)

"I think we've all 'reported to the moon' at one time or another." -Tom Servo. #107(RM)

"I thought it had no texture." -TV's Frank. #309(tACM)

"I thought the robot with the human head was really offensive." -**. #102(tRvtAM)

"It's a bag of Homer Simpson!" -Joel. #422(tDtEF)

"It's a federal law to keep your monster in a car seat." -Tom Servo. #606(tCT)

"It's after the apocalypse! Nobody's hiring!" -Tom Servo. #403(CL)

"It's a hover-Bonneville!" -Joel. #421(MaGG)

"It's all hot and it hurts and stuff!" -Tom Servo (as Linda). #104(WotPP) et al.

"It's all part of this nutritious war!" -TV's Frank. #319(WotCB)

"It's an entire race of mimes! We've got to get back and warn Earth!" -Joel (as Hugh O'Brien). #201(RXM)

"It's an exciting day indeed here at Japanese War Atrocity Park..." -Crow. #202(Sidehackers)

"It's an oscillating fan with an ear attached -- *period*." -Crow. #521(SC)

"It says that one time this big lobster came and attacked a lady, but Mr. Ed saved her." -Tom Servo. #412(HatCW)

"It's called EVIL, kid." -Crow (as Trumpy). #303(PP)

"It's Dr. Freud's office!" -Crow. #519(Outlaw)

"It seems as though my doom is imminent. So -- How are you?" -Crow. #505(tMVoS)

"It's fun when it's fun!" -Mike. #515(tWWWoBW)

"It's injection time!!!" -Tom Servo. #103(MM)

"It's Kung Foley!" -**. #501(WotLW)

"It's like a beer commercial!" -Crow. #416(FMoOS)

"It's like he wants to order a pizza but doesn't dare." -Joel. #403(CL)

"It's like they weren't even sure they were filming a chase scene!" -**. #520(RSS)

"It's like we're smart, but we're not!" -Tom Servo (as a Bat Girl). #515(tWWWoBW)

"It's like when rats pop out of the toilets in St. Paul."-Mike. #620(D!DR)

"It's more like the *Minor Vandalism* of the the Eye Creatures." -**. #418(AottEC)

"It's not a good sign when your movie is upstaged by a mural." -Crow. #904(AW)

"It's not better than *radar*, is it?!" -**. #520(RSS)

"It's not much, but I call it Hell." -Tom Servo (as Prof. Galbraith). #108(SP)

"It's not so much the apocalypse as it is the humidity." -Joel. #501(WotLW)

"It's not very invisible..." -Joel. #406(AotGL)

"It's obsidian!" "Oh, I don't think it's *that* bad..." -Dr. Scott/Crow. #113(BS)

"It sounds like the soundtrack is drunk." -**. #409(IM)

"It's show--!" "Don't even think about it, Frank. Send 'em the movie." "--time..." -TV's Frank/Dr. Forrester/TV's Frank. #322(MN1)

"It's Spiro Agnew and Spiro Agnew in 'The Parent Trap'!" -Joel. #207(WR)

"It's *supposed* to hurt! It's *science*!" -Dr. Forrester. #K21(tLC)

"It's swell for tearing up fragile ecosystems -- Watch!" -** (as Arch Hall, Jr.). #506(Eegah!)

"It's tasteless, odorless, and leaves no trace in the human body." "Velveeta?" -Coleman/Crow. #504(SASD)

"It's the All-Idiot Channel!" -**. #212(GvM)

"It's the blind leading the bland." -Crow. #420(tHD)

"It's the Eastern Europe part of Southern California." -Crow. #815(AFH)

"It's the feel-good film of the cold war era!" -TV's Frank. #205(RAUSA)

"It's the maritime equivalent of rock climbing." -**. #512(Mitchell)

"It's the most feared geography teacher of Central High!" -Crow. #602(IUSA)

"It's the parade of shame and wasted lives!" -Tom Servo (as Narrator). #311(ICtW)

"It's the pizza dominatrix!" -Tom Servo. #603(tDTB)

"It's the smell of copy machine toner and white-out that makes my soul soar!" -Tom Servo. #307(Daddy-O)

"It stinks!" -Rick. #303(PP)

"It's the Law of Averages! I'm average -- I'll make it!" -Tom Servo (as Johnny Mapes). #419(tRS)

"It turns out that the aliens are a big bunch of pussies." -Mike. #819(IotNM)

"It turns out that there *are* small parts, *and* small actors! -Mike. #904(AW)

"It would take a scientist to explain it, and I'm simply too mad." -Dr. Forrester. #*

"I understand now. Gallagher *is* funny." -Joel (as Gen. Paddock). #311(ICtW)

"I've been called a lot of things in my life, but never a corn spy!" -Joel (as Bartender). #209(HC)

"I've got a date with Mrs. Butterworth..." -Crow. #414(Tormented)

"I've got a headache this big, and it's got Cy Roth written all over it." -Joel (as Prossus). #416(FMoOS)

"I've got a thing about women on stepladders." -Joel. #108(SP)

"I've got to take the fridge to the airport. You need anything?" -Crow (as Rommel). #202(Sidehackers)

"I've got two words for you, kid...FOSTER HOME!" -Crow (as Scott). #614(SFI)

"I've had to go potty since Toma." -Mike. #612(TS)

"I've seen *Baptists* that can dance better than this!" -Tom Servo. #818(DD)

"I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this film." -Joel. #107(RM)

"I wanted to play hopscotch with the impenentrable mystery of existence, but he stepped in a wormhole and had to go in early." -Crow. #203(JG)

"I want this man savagely beaten." -Crow (as Gregory Peck). #401(ST)

"I want to decide who lives and who dies!" "Oh, I don't know..." -Crow/Joel. #321(SCCtM)

"I want you to beat up Tom!" -Crow. #408(HU)

"I was going to go home and watch TV, but I feel like sniffing butts all night!" -Tom Servo (as werewolf guard). #904(AW)

"I was thinking maybe I could just *marry into* posture." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)

"I went and liberated France while you were dancing." -Crow (as Jimmy). #507(IAmP)

"I wet 'em!" -Tom Servo (as Roxanne). #212(GvM)

"I *will* kill him!!" -Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)

"I will not tell a lie. God, my teeth hurt! Thank you! <ba-boom>" -Tom Servo (as George Washington). #610(tVY)

"I woke up, you weren't there, I *hate* that!" -Tom Servo (as the Old Spice guy). #508(OD007) et al.

"I wonder if there's an abridged version of this movie." -Tom Servo. #106(tCH)

"I wonder when we're gonna run across some of these Martians. Y'know, from what I've read, they've got pale faces and pin-heads and fishy eyes!" "I've heard that said about Texans, too." -Tex/Crow. #201(RXM)

"I worked at NASA back when we were next to Cost Cutters." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Munsen). #420(tHD)

"I would have taken my head, and made a hat..." -Gypsy. #309(tACM)


"Jabba the Husband." -**. #809(IWaTW)


"Jeez, this sketch is getting preachy." -Crow. #208(LC)

"Jeez! *Tolkien* couldn't follow this plot!" -Crow. #301(CD)

"Joel, I can't help but think that this film was flawed in some ways." -Crow. #406(AotGL)

"Joel, if we ever get to be like these 'bots -- please shut us down?" -**. #110(RH)

"Joel, I'm not going to be able to watch the rest of the movie. I have to make brownies for the Pinewood Derby." -Tom Servo. #K19(tMEoS)

"Joel, I'm scared..." -Crow. #319(WotCB)

"Joel, I sense there's a loooong basement scene coming up..." -Crow. #105(tCV)

"Joel, I think we're in for a long, hard ride." -Crow. #108(SP)

"Joel, this movie hurts." -Tom Servo. #413(MiS)

"Joel, this movie really isn't very good, is it?" -Crow. #323(CoFM)

"Joel, we *are* heavy machinery." -Tom Servo. #209(HC)

"Joel, when I grow up I wanna be a DRIFTER!" -Crow. #509(tGiLL)

"Joel, why are you spending your time psychoanalyzing robots?" -Crow. #507(IAmP)

"Joel, why can't *you* wear nice things like that?" -Crow. #105(tCV)

"Joel, you magnificent bastard, I READ YOUR MENU!!" -Tom Servo. #507(IAmP)

"Johnny Longtorso /Johnny Longtorso / the man who comes in pieces... He's LONG!" -Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank. #421(MaGG)

"July in Minnesota." -Mike. #617(TSatD)

"Jupiter -- America's dairyland!" -Crow. #416(FMoOS)

"Just advancing the plot, nothing personal." -Joel (as Cal). #406(AotGL)

"Just a normal Tuesday for Cher..." -Mike. #513(tBtWD)

"Just kill it, don't play with it!" -Crow (as Gen. Paddock). #311(ICtW)

"Just shoot him! You told him you would. Don't pad your part!" -Tom Servo. #103(MM)

"Just think -- now that girl looks like leather, smells like Marlboros and Giorgio, and makes her grandchildren call her by her first name." -Mike. #523(VotG)


"Kabob and -- Ka-Steve!" -Crow. #213(GvtSM)

"Keep out of sight. I'll find out if they're friends or enemies." "Uh, if they kill me, they're probably enemies." -Crash Corrigan/Tom Servo (as Crash Corrigan). #406(AotGL)

"Ken did it." "Those bastards!!" -Lord Halkon/Joel (as Rita). #310(FA)

"Kids come running for the great taste of Sampo!" -Joel. #422(tDtEF)

"Kids, don't ever sit on an archaeologist's lap." -Tom Servo. #107(RM)

"Kids, it's laying eggs in my chest. Is that normal?" -Mike (as Brewster). #906(SC)

"Kids! No weapons on the waterbed!" -Tom Servo. #605(CatH)

"Kids worship the darndest things!" -Joel. #424(M:tHoF)

"Kill yourself!" -Cambot. #513-624. (Robot Roll Call.)

"Kim's having my fantasy about her!" -Crow. #403(CL)

"Kinda makes me feel like I did after I learned Neil Diamond wrote 'Red Red Wine'." -**. #*

"Kissing monster! Kissing monster!" -Crow (as Ken). #310(FA)

"Knew your father, I did!" -Mr. B Natural. #319(WotCB)

"Krakatoa: East of Java." "Fentonville: East of Muncie." -Tom Servo/Crow. #108(SP)

"KTLA predicts..." -Joel. #319(WotCB)


"Last time *you* helped on a project, we had to jetison a whole pan of burning rock candy into outer space!" -Tom Servo. #112(UY)

"Later, these moths turn up in the mouths of Bob's victims." -Crow (as Narrator). #608(CN:DH)

"Let me explain it to you one more time: No." -Crow (as Sinbad). #505(tMVoS)

"LeT mE gET yOuR CoMplImeNTaRy CraZy bREaD--" "--NO!!!" -Torgo/Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank. #424(M:tHoF)

"Let me guess. The last words in this movie are gonna be 'Ahahahahahaha!'" -Tom Servo. #608(CN:DH)

"Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I drive a truck, I'm butt-ugly, and I hate spiders." -Tom Servo (as Carol's Dad). #313(EvtS)

"Let's crap in our hands and throw it at people! Heh heh... You know, no matter how much you evolve, that's still damn funny." -Crow (as Ape Lieutenant). #306(TotA)

"Let's face it, sticky-fingers -- waffles are just a vehicle for butter and syrup." -Dr. Forrester. #317(VWatSS)

"Let's get the dog drunk next!" -Crow. #101(tCE)

"Let's go kill something we don't understand." -Crow (as Hugh O'Brien). #201(RXM)

"Let's play with phosphorous!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Taylor). #421(MaGG)

"Let's see. Stick... sharpened... ... GRANDPA!" -Mike (as Bobby). #606(tCT)

"Let's see -- there's chaos here, chaos there, hmm... He's right, chaos everywhere." -Joel (as Karnak-san Japanese technician).

"Let's see...what part of John Agar haven't I seen?" -**. #801(RotC)

"Let's start with a simple test. Can you tell where I'm looking right now?" -**. #101(tCE)

"Let's strip him!" -Crow (as Shirley). #507(IAmP)

"Let's take a 15-minute break." "But, ah, keep the camera rolling!" -Cesar Romero/Tom Servo (as Cesar Romero). #208(LC)

"Level 5 smug alert..." -Tom Servo. #815(AFH)

"Live fast, die young, and leave a fat, bloated, ugly corpse." -Tom Servo. #207(WR)

"Look -- anal-retentive snakes. They lined up the skulls." -Tom Servo. #301(CD)

"Look -- Bigfoot, putting on a blazer!" -Crow. #510(L:tPH)

"Look, free breast rides and we'll waive the membership fees." -Mike (as Beau Bridges). #523(VotG)

"Look, if I want my opinion I'll beat it out of me!" -Dr. Forrester. #309(tACM)

"Looks like a train, but -- he'll need proof." -Joel. #105(tCV)

"Looks like Daddy-O's apartment -- except for the big-ass phone." -Tom Servo. #608(CN:DH)

"Looks like he lost a pie contest!" -Crow. #210(KD)

"Looks like I got the load end of the pan that time." -Crow. #212(GvM)

"Looks like it hurts to be him." -Joel. #506(Eegah!)

"Looks like Ken's driving the Malibu Barbie Beach Jeep..." -Joel. #310(FA)

"Looks like that jelly donut got away from him." -Crow. #202(Sidehackers)

"Looks like this scene was shot by a bank camera." -Crow. #415(The Beatniks)

"Look look look at my crotch..." -All (as Cheerleaders). #317(VWatSS)

"Looks like he got his prescription filled." -Crow. #310(FA)

"Look, why don't I save you the trouble and just give *these* guys the money?" -Joel (as cashier in pool-hall). #509(tGiLL)

"Lost in the valley of the shadow of the subplot..." -Crow. #319(WotCB)

"Lots of Chryslers on this planet..." -Crow. #305(SiS)

"'Love' is an expression never used here." "Except when it comes to chocolate!" Queen Antea/Joel (as Antea). #502(Hercules)

"Love me!" -Joel (as Lieutenant Anderson). #104(WotPP) et al.

"Love me and my deformed friend!... Oh, and the guy in the car." -** (as The Bat). #102(tRvtAM)

''Luxembourg--every day, get on your bony, European knees and thank your lucky stars you're not Japan.'' -Crow. #819(IotNM)