D

"Daddy, there's a boy outside..." -TV's Frank. #301(CD)

"Dale van Sickel! He never made a bad film!" -Crow. #103(MM) et al.

"Dames like her always keep beer around." -Paramedic. #106(tCH)

"Damn! I just injected him with blowfish poison!" -** (as Lee van Cleef). #324(MN2)

"Damn... I'm just too fat to be climbing a mountain." -**. #101(tCE)

"David Hartman is just one big neck with face and eyes." -Crow. #614(SFI)

"Day three of his 40 mile trip."-Tom Servo. #814(RwD)

"Day 12: The expedition turns whiny." -Tom Servo. #803(MP)

"'Dear Abby: I'm an elderly woman who doesn't enjoy sex...'" -Tom Servo (as Rocky Jones). #417(CotM) et al.

"'Dear Aunt Nefertiti: Thanks for the socks.'??..." -Crow. #405(BfAP)

"'Dear Diary: Once again the fat guy got the bed...'" -**. #101(tCE)

"Dear God he's unappealing..." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)

"'Dear Hair Club for Men: I need help big-time...'" -Joel (as bald military guy). #321(SCCtM)

"'Dear Kids: Shot this guy for you. Ham in fridge. -Mom.'" -Joel. #419(tRS)

"Dear Penthouse Forum, I am an average stufed animal at a small midwestern college..." -Tom. #615(KWaW)

"'Dear Santa Claus: Please bring me a little brother.' Oh ho ho ho! Can do! Can do!" -Crow (as Santa Claus). #521(SC)

"'Dear Skipper: Why haven't you sent help? Signed, The Castaways.'" -Crow. #106(tCH)

"Death by snicker-snag..." -Mike. #820(SM)

"DEEEEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRTINGGGG!!!" -Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank. #410(HatMM)

"Demo button on little keyboard hit by..." -Mike (as credits).#821(TC)

"Dennis! Dennis!" "I want to play tennis!" -McReany/Mike (as McReany). #907(Hobgoblins)

"Designed by I.M. Pei, built by Jim Varney." -Tom. #819(IotNM)

"Did he say 'Whopper'? What is that, a pet name?" -Joel. #310(FA)

"Did his head just turn into a big sucker?" -Tom Servo. #509(tGiLL)

"Did I get that right? 'They died on vacation'??" -Crow. #316(GvZ)

"Did I mention I'm Austr-eye-lian?" -Tom Servo (as Gus). #516(AfLA)

"Did I mention my saliva is poisonous?" -Crow. #407(tKS)

"Did I mention that I cried?" -'Morrissey'. #403(CL)

"Did someone say 'meat'?..." -Crow. #309(tACM)

"Did someone tape a dinner roll to his chin?" -Crow. #821(TC)

"Did they mug David L. Wolper or something?" -Tom Servo. #602(IUSA)

"Did you know that Nick went on to play... Pong in his underwear while drinking beer?" -Crow. #907(Hobgoblins)

"'Dish of Ice Cream'?? Don't tempt me!" -Joel. #415(The Beatniks)

"Dissapointing turnout for REO Speedwagon at Alpine Valley." -Tom. #621(tBoYF)

"Divide by ten in minutes. Add up to three columns in an hour!" -Crow. #810(GSI)

"D'oh!...I filled my pants, sir...In fact, I think I filled yours too." -Mike (as Randy) #902(PP)

"Doctor Who...the hell cares?" -Crow. #822(OatMB)

"Does it have anything to do with corn?" -** (as the Guide). #K22(LotD)

"Does this bug you? I'm not touching you..." -Crow (as Bat thingy). #311(ICtW) et al.

"Does this *really* merit the tender music?" -Crow. #904(AW)

"Do I have enough time to beat up the band?" -Crow (as Neil Connery). #508(OD007)

"Do I please you? Do you find me pleasing?" -Crow (as Prof. E.C. Buehler). #313(EvtS)

"Dolphins: one of the smartest mammals on Earth. Do they wear pants? No! But they *wish* they did. That's how smart they are!" -Tom Servo. #410(HatMM)

"Do me a favor, Frank. Take these oranges and wrap them in this towel..." -Dr. Forrester. #524(12ttM)

"Don Fido is mad." -Tom Servo (as Mr. Adrian). #209(HC)

"Do not be afraid, I do not hurt innocent people. I have assistants for that." -Tom Servo (as His Excellency). #306(TotA)

"Do not induce vomiting." "The movie will do that for you." -Tom Servo/Crow. #207(WR)

"Don't *ever* mention Emerson Lake & Palmer around Gypsy!" -Joel. #313(EvtS)

"Don't give me that 'Woof!' crap! I want an answer!" -Crow (as Genius). #523(VotG)

"Don't go into that area. There's radiation there." "And, as everybody knows, it can only affect you if you touch it." -Dr. Hidaka/Tom Servo. #302(Gamera)

"Don't point that goat at me, it might go off!" -Tom Servo (as Cal). #108(SP)

"Don't talk to me, I'm a high-fashion model from the future." -Tom Servo. #109(PMB)

"'...don't want to be pleasured by the slave girl'... What was I *thinking*?!?" -Crow (as Cabot). #519(Outlaw)

"Don't watch the jiggling..." -Tom (as Angel). #622(AR)

"Don't worry, he's as gentle as a kitten." "Yeah, a big, bald, deranged kitten that could snap your neck like celery!" -Bela/Tom Servo. #423(BotM)

"Don't you *ever* do that again!!" -Mike. #521(SC)

"Don't you *get* it??" -Tom Servo. #K09(CP) et al.

"Don't you *get* it?? The name of this movie is _Death Flight_!!" -Tom Servo. #K12(SSTDF)

"Do something, Joel! This aggressive niceness is making me feel really uncomfortable!" -Crow. #417(CotM)

"Double-hi-keeba! Raised you one." -Tom Servo (as George). #411(tMS)

"Douglas was pear-shaped, very short, and stood the whole way." -Tom Servo (as Narrator). #421(MaGG)

"Do you have anything for a queasy stomach?" "Yes -- this film." -**. #K12(SSTDF)

"Do you have enough gas?" "I've got plenty!" "I already blasted a hole in the seat cover!" -Ann/Brewster/Crow (as Brewster). #906(SC)

"Do you have to bring everything you find in space into the living room?" -Crow. #104(WotPP)

"Do *you* know? Do *you* know who did it?" -Crow (as Kermie). #605(CatH)

"Do you realize a robot just sang a love song to a turtle?" -Crow. #302(Gamera)

"Do you think we'll freeze to death before the jackals get us?" -**. #506(Eegah!)

"Do you want to go *faster*? Raise your hand if you want to go *faster*!" -Joel. #308(GvG) et al.

"Do you want to make people's heads explode? Sure -- we all do!..." -Dr. Forrester. #511(Gunslinger)

"Dr. Forrester has sent us a TRULY great movie!!" -Crow. #610(tVY)

"Dr. Heimlich: The Early Years." -Crow. #420(tHD)

"Drink it all. Sometimes the poison's at the bottom." -Crow (as Village Elder). #301(CD)

"Droppo, you are the laziest man on Mars." -Keemar. #321(SCCtM)

"Due to an error, there are still a few of you left alive. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you." -Joel (as Ro-Man). #107(RM)

"Duh!... A secret laboratory that makes bowling pins..." -Tom Servo. #213(GvtSM)

 

E

"Earth chair! Earth chair!" -Crow. #103(MM)

"Eat Lead Spring!" -Mike (As Jack Frost). #813 (JF)

"Eddie, Yuri, put on your diving suits and scout out the whole area. You, put on your diving suit and meet me in my cabin." -** (as Atari). #314(MJ)

"Edie!!" "I want my bikini area waxed!!" Hank/Tom Servo (as Hank). #906(SC)

"Eehhhh... Could you catch another fish, please?..." -Joel (as some Prole). #505(tMVoS)

"Eleven dollars went a long way back then." -Crow. #610(tVY)

"El Santa flew 23 missions over North Korea!" -Tom Servo. #521(SC)

"Emotions are for ethnic people." -Crow (as the Narrator). #602(IUSA)

"Enjoy our hockey stick actors." Mike (as producers). #906(SC)

"Enjoy yourself!" "I just did. :)" -**/** (as Touch Connors). #503(SD)

"Even the A-V Club laughs at these guys." -Mike. #606(tCT)

"Even the musicians are mocking this film." -Crow. #210(KD)

"Even these oil fields seem to remind me of her... Can't quite put my finger on it..." -Joel (as Rommel). #202(Sidehackers)

"Even the *soundtrack* is making coffee!" -Tom Servo. #609(tSD)

"Even though your feet smell like cheese, we prefer to think they smell like *good* cheese." -Crow. #309(tACM)

"Ever get pieces of flesh caught in your teeth? I *hate* that!" -**. #203(JG)

"Ever tasted human flesh?" -Crow (as Lloyd). #201(RXM)

"Everybody knows smoking kills, but it's cool! What are you gonna do? Everybody loves tar -- Sure, who doesn't? But scientists have known for well over a year that it's bad for you." -Joel. #301(CD)

"Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph." -**. #424(M:tHoF)

"Ever thought of putting two similar sentences together?" -Crow. #408(HU)

"Every mad scientist has one of these speeches." -Crow. #102(tRvtAM)

"Every time I get a boyfriend, he crushes my windpipe!" -Joel (as Marta). #106(tCH)

"Every time I meet a man, he's either gay or a bear!" -Tom Servo (as Nastenka). #813(JF)

"Eww! He's really moist!" -Tom Servo (as Terri). #522(TCW)

"Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice how much you look like everyone else." -Crow (as the well-groomed guy). #510(L:tPH)

"Excuse me. I'm gonna go toss myself out the window." -Joel (as George Nader). #420(tHD)

"Excuse me, I've just gotta mate with a Tilt-a-Whirl, here..." -Crow (as Gamera). #308(GvG)

"Excuse me while I have a strange interlude." -Crow (as Iole). #502(Hercules)

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy." -Joel. #K19(tMEoS)

"Excuse me, your nose is coming off..." -Crow. #806(tU)

"Existential void where prohibited." -Crow. #318(SF:FA2)

"'Expandable legbands'? Yes *sir*!!" -Joel (as a Teener from Outer Space). #404(TfOS)

"Expressing individualism is just plain wrong!" -Crow (as the Narrator). #510(L:tPH)
 

F

"Face it -- he likes blood, but not the way *you* make it." -Crow. #308(GvG)

"Fat guy's marathon...26.2 *feet*." -Mike. #822(OatMB)

"*Fear* killed Tolliver." "I thought it was those big guys in the costumes." -Tom Gregory/Tom Servo. #108(SP)

"Feel free to dig your heel into my groin." -**. #315(TC)

"Feel some malaise, sucka!" -** (as 'Jimmy Carter'). #501(WotLW)

"Filmed in a ghetto in Kingston, Jamaica?" -Tom. #819(IotNM)

"Filmed in Longtorso-Vision." -Tom Servo. #202(Sidehackers)

"Filmed in Nause>


Transfer interrupted!

T>

"Filmed in Vermont, the other, smaller Wisconsin." -Crow. #821(TC)

"Filmed in Wedgie-Vision." -Mike. #803(tMP)

"Find out what he put on his application under 'Do you dance a lot?'" -Tom Servo (as general) #906(SC)

"Finish it! Finish it!" -Joel. #104(WotPP) et al.

"First base is LARGER than I remember!" -Mike (as that guy in the cowboy hat). #523(VotG)

"First rule: No theme music." -Dr. Forrester. #523(VotG)

"Fishpicker!" -All. #907(Hobgoblins)

"Food?!? Is that all you can think of at a time like this?!" "You mean, lunchtime?" -Judy/Crow (as George). #610(tVY)

"--football practice!!" -Crow (as Cesar Romero). #208(LC) et al.

"For a robot, he's got a really flat butt." -**. #205(RAUSA)

"For the walking sequence, special director Roger Corman..." -Crow. #318(SF:FA2)

"For this afternoon's show, we'll drown two schoolchildren." -Tom Servo. #316(GvZ)

"Forty percent of all traffic accidents are caused by women's hinders!" -Crow. #520(RSS)

"Forty-seven Keebler Elves were killed when a light plane crashed into their tree today...""E.L. Fudge is in serious condition." -Tom Servo/Mike. #821(TC)

"For you folks at home, this might be a good time to go get a sandwich." -Joel. #202(Sidehackers)

"Frank, does it... hurt much?" -Dr. Forrester. #309(tACM)

"Frank, Frank... Once again I'm going to have to kill you." -Dr. Forrester. #320(The Unearthly)

"Frank, I'll give you three seconds to stop licking my face." "Count slow..." -Dr. Forrester/TV's Frank. #601(GT)

"Frank, let's pretend that I hurt you and move on, shall we?" -Dr. Forrester. #405(BfAP)

"Frank, my towel and your hinder have an appointment." -Dr. Forrester. #512(Mitchell)

"Frank, quit bogarting that toothpaste!" -Dr. Forrester. #417(CotM)

"Free trial sample! Try *me* for a week!" -Tom Servo (as Cal). #406(AotGL)

"Fries are up." -Tom Servo. #211(FSoV) et al.

"Frolicking has never been so depressing." -Crow. #609(tSD)

"Funny or not funny floating?" -Joel. #201(RXM)

"Fuzzy Thurston is _The Fugitive_." -Crow. #619(RZC)
 

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